I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
