He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
