$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A bitchslap is in order.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
