Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
