He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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