Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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