Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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