I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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