jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
