Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
