First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
