3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What a dumb baby whore.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize