Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
