he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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