Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
