Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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