Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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