he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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