My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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