Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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