So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
