It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
