Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
