Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
