Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
