So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
