I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
