cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
