It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
