remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
