We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
