So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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