Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize