Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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