The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
