I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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