I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
