I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
