he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
