I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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