Moan for me like Helen Keller
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
