I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
