Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize