i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
