I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
