Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
