the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
