I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
