If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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