i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
