ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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