Can Purell be used as lube?
People in love make me want to vomit
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
