I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
