I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
