is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
