Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
