so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
