So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
