why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize