So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
