Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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