Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
