i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just had sex on a roof
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
