My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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