is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
