My room smells like vodka and shame
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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