And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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