Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
