I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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