do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
