Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
