Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
