one word: firstdatebathroomanal
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize