FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
