i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
