True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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