I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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