About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
