i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
