I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
