I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
