Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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