I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
