i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
