I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
