I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
