i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
