her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
