i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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