the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
