she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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