Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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