Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
