Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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