And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
