we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
