my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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