John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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